where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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