Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize