So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize