wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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