Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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