your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
