so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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