I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
