OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
