o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
