I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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