Apparently you make a good broom.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
