it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize