As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
