First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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