Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Panties = found
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
