I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
