Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We are all done wearing pants today
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