I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
