lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
well you can't waste a boner
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
