Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
