Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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