Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
