is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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