he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize