if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
