Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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