Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want to make out with him forever
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
