so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
