I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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