I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
