i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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