he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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