If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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