i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
