I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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