Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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