that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
