I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
