this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
