He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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