he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
tonight lets celebrate not being married
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
