i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize