Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize