Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize