Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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