I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
