So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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