my phone needs a breathalizer
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
