So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Pooping to opera.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
