I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
