i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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