So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm jealous of your bromance
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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