dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
