Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
