I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
