People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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