Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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