I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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