well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize