Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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