you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
