hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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