i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im six kinds of drunk right now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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