I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
