my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
