Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
