He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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