omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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